Lyrical Analyst - John Mellencamp - Jack and Diane

Did I say end of the Month? I ment end of the year, silly me. Seriously though this was my fault, one day I will have a more constant schedule I just need to get my ass in gear. Now I've got that apology out of the way, what do we have here.

Okay we're going 80's classic today, let's jump right in then.

Little ditty about Jack and Diane

Ooh I love a good story.

Two American kids growin' up in the heartland

Okay setting up our protagonists, good so far.

Jackie gonna be a football star

All-American football player, got it.

Diane debutante backseat of Jackie's car

Oh it's one of those stories.

Suckin' on chili dogs outside the tastee freeze

Seting the stage, alright. And can I say what a weird slang "Suckin' on Chili dogs" is? Just saying.

Diane's sittin' on Jackie's lap
He's got his hand between her knees

Ooh sexay, I dig it.

Jackie say, hey, Diane
Let's run off behind a shady trees

...if you know what I mean! Eh! Eh! Thank you I'll be here all post.

Dribble off those Bobby Brooks
Let me do what I please

I actually had to look up what a "Bobby Brooks" was, turns out it was a cloathing Brand. So with that in mind... Bow Chicka Bow Wow!

Jackie Say aOh yeah, life goes onLong after the thrill of livin' is gone

Well that isn't ominous at all is it?

Say a
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin' is gone
They walk on

After such a happy start, only to talk about the loss of thrill of life. Well lets continue with the story.

Jackie sits back
Reflects his thoughts for the moment

Interesting, what kind of thoughts are going through our protagonists head? Let us continue.

Scratches his head
And does his best James Dean

Sorry but look, I know that James Dean was big in the Fifties. But let's face it his brand of Manlyness has not aged well, even by the standards of the eighties when this song was written. Tangent finished, moving on.

Well you know, Diane
We oughta run off to the city

Why would they need to run to the city I wonder? Let's continue and find out.

Diane says, baby
You ain't missin' nuth-in

Okay the story is getting a little on the vague side. This is not how story's are told Jackie!

But Jackie, say-a
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin' is gone

We still haven't got to the part where this means anything.

Oh yeah, I say, life goes onLong after the thrill of livin' is gone

You have no intention of finishing this story do you?

Gonna let it rock

What?

Let it roll

Oh no you are NOT changing the subject on me!

Let the Bible Belt come
And save my soul

Leave religion out of this, don't start something if you have no intention to finish it!

Hold on to sixteen as long as you can

Wha...huh? So you stop mid-story and have the gall to have the story's moral to cap it off? Poor form.

Changes come around real soon
Make us women and men

Sorry Why should I listen to your Moral when you won't even finish your story? It not applying to me, being 30 is entirely beside the point.

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin' is gone

Well I guess that's as good a moral as any, you still should've finished the damn story.

Oh yeah, I say, life goes onLong after the thrill of livin' is gone

And who is this "they" you keep talking about? You've mentioned them twice already.

Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids done the best they can

So what, you're starting over? What was Jack thinking about? Why did they have to go to the city? What was Diane insisting they weren't missing? These Questions need answers dammit!!!

Final Thoughts:

Okay so jokes aside, this was a pretty good song. I wasn't entirely joking about how the story just drops however. He does a good job setting up the storys focus but then what happed is left to the listeners Imagination. But the best that I can come up with is the story is about two kids that are sexually active (obviously) and having fun, when soemthing happens (the way the story was going I'd bet pregnancy, but I don't know for certain) that causes them to think about their lives in a way they never had to before. But like I said it's pure conjecture, that should've been cleared up in the song itself.

Lyrical Analyst - Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville

I don't mean to take this long honestly! I'm going to try to make another one before the end of the month. No promises though. Anyway what do we have today?

Margaritaville huh? Well Let's get right to it.

Nibblin' on sponge cake,

-Nothing wrong with that, lots of people like sponge cake.

watchin' the sun bake;

-Technically the sun doesn't bake, but I'll just chalk that up to metaphor.

All of those tourists covered with oil.

-Oh that sounds bad, has there been an oil spill?

Strummin' my six string on my front porch swing.

-You sound awfully chipper for someone who witnessed a huge shoreline oil spill.

Smell those shrimp
They're beginnin' to boil.

-And you're cooking shrimp while you watch?! On a side note, boiling shrimp? In that scenery isn't barbecuing the preferred method? Then again I don't like shrimp, so probably Ignorance on my part.

Wasted away again in Margaritaville,

-Wait, now you're drunk at a bar? A few lines ago you were on your front porch! Can we have a little consistency, please?

Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt.

-It's either against the wall, or at the center of the table. Not a lot of variation in placement.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,

-What, just because there's a massive tanker crash that means a woman driving it? Sexist.

But I know it's nobody's fault.

-What makes you think that? Do you know something about it?

Don't know the reason,
Stayed here all season

-Eh, some people just hang out for no particular reason. Nothing to feel bad about.

With nothing to show but this brand new tattoo.

-That's good... I guess.

But it's a real beauty,
A Mexican cutie, 

-Sounds nice man, any details?

how it got here
I haven't a clue.

-So no then. How drunk were you?

Wasted away again in Margaritaville,

-That gives me a good idea.

Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt.

-I already told you. How did you loose it? There is always a designated placement for salt.

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,

-Who are these misogynistic assholes saying that? Was a woman steering that boat?

Now I think, - hell it could be my fault.

-What do you mean it could be your fault?

I blew out my flip flop,

-You could just call them sandles you know, who came up with that term? And can we get back to how the oil spill could be your fault?

Stepped on a pop top,

-Ouch, okay that would hurt. It could be worse though, it could've been a lego.

Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.

-You seem to be in an awful big hurry, there is an oil spill at the beach you know.

But there's booze in the blender,

-I think this drinking of yours might be your problem. I'm just saying, you may need some help.

And soon it will render
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on.

-Wait, you're making snow cones with it? that's just odd.

Wasted away again in Margaritaville

-That's what I'm talking about, you need AA.

Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt.

-Seriously how did you loose your salt shaker?

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,

-Wait a minute... didn't you a little bit ago mention a Mexican chick?

But I know, it's my own damn fault.

-Holy shit, you were steering the tanker weren't you? Damn it all makes sense now.

Yes, and some people claim that there's a woman to blame
And I know it's my own damn fault.

-So let me get the story strait. You were the captain of an oil tanker drunk off your ass, entertaining a Mexican female (I won't call her a prostitute, but I won't rule it out either) When you crashed the ship and spilled the oil onto a public beach, and then you stumbled hom. But not before stopping at a bar. Why aren't you in prison?

Final Thoughts:

All jokes aside this song is simply about a guy just drinking his life away because he inadvertently pushed away his significant other and people making excuses for him. He however denies that and takes responsibility for the relationship falling apart. I'd give him props for this fact if it wasn't for the fact that he is attempting to drink his depression away. There are better ways of handling a break up. It's still a pretty good song. I can't complain.

Lyrical Analyst - Shania Twain - That Don't impress me much

Okay, it has bee a long time since the last one. I'm a lazy bastard so sue me. Well here we are again so what song are we getting into now?

 Shania Twain huh? Well this should be interesting. Well we might as well get started, let's jump into Shania Twain's "That don't impress me much".

 Ow!

What, did you stub your toe or  something?

Yeah, Yeah

Oh, I see starting the song. Continue.

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art

Oh, Thank you I - hey! I resemble that remark!

You think you're a genius
you drive me up the wall

I don't act THAT bad do I?

You're a regular original know-it-all

Hey, just because I'm right all the time doesn't mean I'm a know-it-all! The nerve!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

I don't think that was meant as a compliment.

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much

Whoa, stop right there. First of all, say the invisible man in question IS a rocket scientist. How is that not impressive? He's a fucking rocket scientist! I find that impressive. Second, Rocket scientist? Really? That is the first thing that pops in your head? Not exactly original is it?

So you got the brains, but have you got the touch

I don't get it.

Don't get me wrong, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

Why bring up his intelligence when that doesn't even have anything to do with what you care about?

That don't impress me much

Uh, Huh.

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve - just in case

You HAVE heard of metrosexuals right? No I can't believe it either.

And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
‘Cause Heaven forbid it should fall out of place

Okay yeah, you have a point there.

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Oh he's special alright. In my opinion no man should spend time in the bathroom equally in front of a mirror as a toilet or a shower.

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much

Wait, we're talking about Brad Pitt?! I apologize Mr. Pitt. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! Who do you think you are dissing He's Brad Fucking Pitt, how is he not impressive? You've seen his movies right?

So you got the looks, but have you got the touch

I think there's a bit more to him than looks. Plus I'm sure Angelina Jolie would disagree. Hell I'm not even particularly a fan of his!

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

Madam, there is something not quite right about you.

That don't impress me much

I'm starting to think there isn't much that does.

You're one of those guys that likes to shine his machine

... You're talking about his car right?

You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in

Doesn't clear it up.

I can't believe you kiss your car good night

Somehow that doesn't sound better.

C'mon, baby, tell me - you must be joking right!

Hey you don't know the kind of history Betty and I have!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Well my car is an alien. Though it might just be my neighbor screwing with me.

Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much

Really? You go from rocket scientist to Brad Pitt, to car ownership? No, no, no, you're supposed to go up not down. It's just a car it can't be...

 Holy Shit, that IS a nice car.

So you got the moves, but have you got the touch

We're still talking about the car right?

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

So... Cuddling? Is that what you're impressed by? 

That don't impress me much
You think you're cool but have you got the touch

You aren't one of those hipster chicks are you? I mean the glasses look is hot and all, but I get the feeling that you're trying too hard.

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night

Try turning on the heater. Or a freaking blanket. Your high standards leave you with little else.

That don't impress me much

You don't say?!

Okay, so what do you think, you're Elvis or something?
Whatever

Okay chalk musician to the list of 'unimpressive' types.

That don't impress me
That don't impress me 

So you're not impressed by aeronautics (rocket science for the uninformed), Brad Pitt or a goddamn car. What does impress you? It seems to me that you are either extremely picky, or incredibly selfish. Or just plain stupid, the options are pretty open on this one.

Final Thoughts:

All in all not a bad song all things considered. I don't like country so it starts off pretty low. But a good beat and competent lyrics and a likable singer, it fits quite well on the pop charts. Now as for the lyrics themselves, the song is pretty clear on what it's about. It's about a line of guys that think that their one good quality makes them hot shit. First a guy that thinks he's smart, then a guy that thinks he's Fabio, and finally a guy with a reasonably cool car. The one thing linking them is asshole level arrogance that makes them not worth dating, and lets be honest a cool car isn't something to brag about to a potential date. And for those waiting for it, I'm not doing it. So you can quit waiting now.