Lyrical Analyst - Shania Twain - That Don't impress me much

Okay, it has bee a long time since the last one. I'm a lazy bastard so sue me. Well here we are again so what song are we getting into now?

 Shania Twain huh? Well this should be interesting. Well we might as well get started, let's jump into Shania Twain's "That don't impress me much".

 Ow!

What, did you stub your toe or  something?

Yeah, Yeah

Oh, I see starting the song. Continue.

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art

Oh, Thank you I - hey! I resemble that remark!

You think you're a genius
you drive me up the wall

I don't act THAT bad do I?

You're a regular original know-it-all

Hey, just because I'm right all the time doesn't mean I'm a know-it-all! The nerve!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

I don't think that was meant as a compliment.

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much

Whoa, stop right there. First of all, say the invisible man in question IS a rocket scientist. How is that not impressive? He's a fucking rocket scientist! I find that impressive. Second, Rocket scientist? Really? That is the first thing that pops in your head? Not exactly original is it?

So you got the brains, but have you got the touch

I don't get it.

Don't get me wrong, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

Why bring up his intelligence when that doesn't even have anything to do with what you care about?

That don't impress me much

Uh, Huh.

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve - just in case

You HAVE heard of metrosexuals right? No I can't believe it either.

And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
‘Cause Heaven forbid it should fall out of place

Okay yeah, you have a point there.

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Oh he's special alright. In my opinion no man should spend time in the bathroom equally in front of a mirror as a toilet or a shower.

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much

Wait, we're talking about Brad Pitt?! I apologize Mr. Pitt. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! Who do you think you are dissing He's Brad Fucking Pitt, how is he not impressive? You've seen his movies right?

So you got the looks, but have you got the touch

I think there's a bit more to him than looks. Plus I'm sure Angelina Jolie would disagree. Hell I'm not even particularly a fan of his!

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

Madam, there is something not quite right about you.

That don't impress me much

I'm starting to think there isn't much that does.

You're one of those guys that likes to shine his machine

... You're talking about his car right?

You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in

Doesn't clear it up.

I can't believe you kiss your car good night

Somehow that doesn't sound better.

C'mon, baby, tell me - you must be joking right!

Hey you don't know the kind of history Betty and I have!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Well my car is an alien. Though it might just be my neighbor screwing with me.

Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much

Really? You go from rocket scientist to Brad Pitt, to car ownership? No, no, no, you're supposed to go up not down. It's just a car it can't be...

 Holy Shit, that IS a nice car.

So you got the moves, but have you got the touch

We're still talking about the car right?

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

So... Cuddling? Is that what you're impressed by? 

That don't impress me much
You think you're cool but have you got the touch

You aren't one of those hipster chicks are you? I mean the glasses look is hot and all, but I get the feeling that you're trying too hard.

Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night

Try turning on the heater. Or a freaking blanket. Your high standards leave you with little else.

That don't impress me much

You don't say?!

Okay, so what do you think, you're Elvis or something?
Whatever

Okay chalk musician to the list of 'unimpressive' types.

That don't impress me
That don't impress me 

So you're not impressed by aeronautics (rocket science for the uninformed), Brad Pitt or a goddamn car. What does impress you? It seems to me that you are either extremely picky, or incredibly selfish. Or just plain stupid, the options are pretty open on this one.

Final Thoughts:

All in all not a bad song all things considered. I don't like country so it starts off pretty low. But a good beat and competent lyrics and a likable singer, it fits quite well on the pop charts. Now as for the lyrics themselves, the song is pretty clear on what it's about. It's about a line of guys that think that their one good quality makes them hot shit. First a guy that thinks he's smart, then a guy that thinks he's Fabio, and finally a guy with a reasonably cool car. The one thing linking them is asshole level arrogance that makes them not worth dating, and lets be honest a cool car isn't something to brag about to a potential date. And for those waiting for it, I'm not doing it. So you can quit waiting now.